Presents

It seems that every year there is always something that I want to get. One big thing that I want more than anything. One year it was a cell phone, another it was a camera, another it was stereo; it has always been one big thing that I have always wanted and then a few little things. However, this year I find that there really isn't anything that I am begging my parents to get me. They asked me what I wanted, and really... I had nothing to say. Maybe a few things for my car, maybe tinted windows in my car would be nice, I would love to have a brand new wooden clarinet for Christmas.... but that's not going to happen and I am not even going to ask for that. A really good wooden clarinet can run between 3000 and 5000 dollars. Like I said, I am not even going to ask that of them. This year I just really want to be with the family more than anything else. After this Christmas I will have one more Christmas with them.. and then I am out on my own. Yes, I will come back for Christmas. But that's different. Waking up in a house the morning of Christmas to open presents in a house you live in, versus waking up in a house that you are just back visiting and will have to leave in week... well it will just be different. I am still undecided if this will be a good different or a bad different, yet I know it will be different. Also, even though I know that this is my last real Christmas to ask for anything big for a while, I still have nothing to tell them. Next year I will be asking for things for my dorm for when I move up to college.. and the year after that will probably consist on things for basic living that I will be lacking.
I guess what I was getting at.. is that I will be leaving soon and I want to cherish every moment I have left of being a kid... versus when I will truly have to start acting more mature. My life and future will count on it soon. But for now...who cares? I'm just going to be the old silly me. :)

The New Play

For those of you who do not know, we, the Blue House Players, will be putting on the production of Anne Frank in April. Yesterday we had our auditions for this play. There were several people who were trying out for Anne Frank, and many who failed at getting the part, since there could only be one Anne Frank in the play. In all honesty, I believe that the parts that were given in the play were very well casted; however there are some that would care to argue. This is why, a lot of the times, I absolutely dread having auditions. Not because I am afraid that I wont get a part, or that I won´t get the part that I wanted, but because there are a lot people in drama who are sore losers. If they don´t get the part they want then they threaten to quit the class. First off, if you are a senior (for most of them are that complain), then grow up! In a lot of clubs and sports you can call seniority, but not in drama. Drama is about who is best for the part, not about who has been in the class longer. GROW UP! Then for those that are not casted and got put in Lights or Backstage or House and you complain... give me a break! The one person that always talks of putting on the best production and this and this and this... well obviously you were not good enough as to be able to portray a character correctly, or rather there were other people better suited for the part. To be able to put on the best production of Anne Frank, the best possible cast list was made after reviewing all of the people; and I emphasize: the BEST cast list. So take one for the good of the play and sit back, shut up, and stop the crying, because really, it got old 2 years ago.

how to say no.. without using no...

You could say...
I'll take a pass.
I would prefer not.
I decline.
It is inevitably not going to happen.
The circumstances creates the occasion to not arise.
I ask you to refrain from asking the question.
I do not say yes.
Na.
I would rather not.
I will never accept your proposal.
Nope.
Nothing will give me the incentive to receive your offer.
I can not do that.
Don't bet on it.
There is not an intention of my approval and acceptance of the idea.
I absolutely believe that there is not a chance of this ever becoming true.

Not the same Thanksgiving

Typically people have family traditions for their holidays. Our only tradition is that we are all together. We have turkey every year, so that’s a tradition I guess too. Every year what we do varies and there never seems to be a definite plan to what’s going to happen. Sometimes we go to St. Louis for the Holidays. My grandparents live there so we go up there to visit and spend the holidays. However, this year we are in the process of moving so we are for sure not going up to my grandparents. Another downer to go along with this information is that fact that our oven… well it is broken. We cannot cook anything in the oven; we can cook on the stove top, but not in the oven. This really has dismayed me… because I was really looking forward to that big turkey dinner; but even better than turkey dinner on thanksgiving… the leftovers. I love to have cold turkey sandwiches the next day… and the day after that… and the day after that… then I need a break… then the day after that :) Then we also have stuffing, deviled eggs, fried corn, rolls, green bean casserole, potato casserole, just all the food! It is great. Mom and Dad said that we are going to go a restaurant to eat... at the Gold Corale.I think that is the restaurant that they said. All well it doesn't... this Thanksgiving just isn't going to feel like Thanksgiving without family and the food.

Just let me Breath!!!!

It seems that sometimes people don’t understand all that one is busy with.  They don’t understand that you are in all honor and AP classes. They don’t understand that you have a job that you go to almost every day. They don’t understand that you have a family. They don’t understand that you are in Band or drama, or clubs, or any other activity that you might be involved in. They don’t understand that you have a family that you would like to be with sometimes. They don’t understand that you have friends that you would like to have some time with to just have fun. They don’t understand all that you do. They expect you to let the world revolve around them. They expect you to drop everything and do what they want. They expect that you live to please them. It is crazy how people think that you aren’t into anything and you have all the time in the world to accomplish and do anything that you want to. I wish so much that this was true. I wish that there were more hours in the day, and that I had more energy to get it all done. But I don’t. I can’t. There is so much going on every day that it seems that I can’t get it all done. Yes, I try dearly, but I can’t. It seems that I am always letting someone down, angering someone, and not doing enough for another. I wish that they would all take a breather, so that I could take a breather.

Here comes the play..

Here comes our play... whether we are ready or not.
We are destined to have our play production of Works in Progress on the 17, 18, and 19 of November. I am always excitied for our productions (our being the Blue House Players), yet im very apprehensive of this production. There are still people who dont know all their lines... and people who are skipping the much needed rehearsals. I feel that we are very unprepared for the upcoming production. When we do have rehearsal and everyone is there (or at least almost everyone) there tends to be a lot of goofing off and we dont get everything done. We still have not had a full run through of the play either; it often seems that we cant even get through a full scene without there being someone who breaks character. I wish that people would grow up and take things seriously. I truely hope that next year the slackers are cut from the class. It is very frustrating to those who work their tales off when others only goof off and dont know their lines.
soo..  here it comes... the production of  Works in Progress by the Blue House Players

even if some are still not ready.

Why always the horrible?

Why is it that we always focus on the horrible things in life rather than the good things? Even our news would rather show the disastorous events than the heart warming events. We hear about drug deals, murders, rapists, assualts, kidnappings, vehicle accidents, etc, etc every day. To this I feel that it is sad. Yes the reason that our news channels tend to do the negative reports is because that's what human beings want to watch. We want to see the horrible things. Why is that we dont want to hear those good heart warming stories of people doing great things for others? Something that might encourage you to do the same for another, or maybe just put a smile on your face. Is it because we want to always have something to complain about? Can we never be content with a day if nothing were to happen in the shady area? Or is it that we want to blame others? Do we want to have other people to look at and scorn so that we can forget what we ourselves have done? So what is it that compells us to go towards the darkening events, rather than listening to the light touching events instead?

Holidays

Soon the Holidays are coming. They really have snuck up on me this year. It seems each year they come faster and faster; soon they will come running. I love the Holiday seasons. Its a time to rejoice and have fun. A time to relax and remember. Its a time for the family. Its time for friends. Its a time to give thanks, to realize again that you are blessed with much. A time to remember how great your life is, even with the ups and downs. A time of horrid coldness, which brings you closer to create warmth in the hearts of all. A time to shed tears of joy and tears of sadness. A time to witness all. A time to make memories with those that you love.
Its just time to live, laugh, and love.

Too bad we cant do this all the time.

time...

This weekend my parents and I have journeyed up to St Louis to visit my Grandparents. My Grandmother said that she would give me my scrapbook that she has kept since I was born. She has plenty of pictures and all of my school stuff in it. I was going through it and I realized just how fast time goes by. When my grandparents came down this last weekend everyone was talking about how fast I have grown up. My Grandfather told me that it was just yesterday that I was in diapers and now I am driving them around town. When I finally started to think of everything, I finally started to realize it all. Highschool is more than half over for me. Soon I will be putting college applications in, shopping for dorm items, and ultimately, moving out. I will be headed away from them all to start shaping a life for myself. There wont be a G-Ma to come kiss my booboo when I trip over my untied shoes. There wont be a G-Pa to take me for nightly ice cream runs. There wont be Dad there to care for me and give me anything that I will ever need. There wont be a Mother there for me when I need a listening ear. Yes, they will be there if I need them, and yes, i c an always call them up, but it isn't the same. To know that when i get home there will always be someone there for me, for any need, is nice. Now dont get me wrong, i am excited about the fact that i am going to be out on my own soon, but its sad at the same time. It is a very bittersweet time that we will all be experiencing together.

too late...

Have you told the people you love that you truely love them today? How about yesterday? Last week? Last month? Can you even remember the last time you said that you loved them? Or when you say is it always right before you hang up and its always real qick.. just a love ya.. and then dial tone. When was the last time that you made it clear that you really cared and loved them? Have you ever?
You never know when a life is going to come to an end. That everything is just going to stop. That the existance of that wonderful individual, that means more to you than just a blip in time, that for the rest of your life you will always remember them... you never know when the memory making is going to come to an end with them.
So go home... tell them that you love them. Make that phone call to make sure they know that you love and care about them. Because you know what? Sometimes it is sudden... and sometimes it's not. But that is not the point. The point is that everything comes to an end eventually, and don't wait until its too late to tell them.

so... I love you!

Regionals

This Saturday the band traveled to the Regionals competition.
For those that who do not know, this is where marching bands all come together to compete for scores on their shows which will decided who will go to state to compete.
This is the competition that the whole season leads up to. That is the day!
We didnt make state... yet again.
Although i am finally okay with the fact that we didnt make it.
I realized that when i think of band in my older years, the things that i am going to think about isnt going to be whether we went to state or not.
It will be other memories that we had made together.
I will remember the gorilla and the banana.
I will remember the jokes.
I will remember the manhorn.
I will remember bubblegum :)
I will remember the low times.
I will remember the high times.
I will remember the ice fight.
I will remember the pizza parties.
I will remember getting home at 1 in the morning.
I will remember the 3 weeks of love, sweat, and hell.
I will remember granny shoes.
I will remember one of the manliest mans i know in a guard uniform.... (N.P.)
I will remember fire alarms.
I will remember foot ball jokes.
I will remember the director switch.
I will remember goin into the band room and getting a full ear full of saxophone every morning.
I will remember the arm rubbing.
I will remember my section.
I will remember finger 1 to 5.
I will remember so much more.
I will remember it all.
And i will love it and miss it.
I love you my fellow band memebers, and lets keep the memories coming.

Mamaw

On Friday October 22, 2010 my Mamaw passed away at exactly 5:00 p.m.
She had been fighting cancer for 13 months... she was a very strong women.
She was a great women too...and we will all miss her.

I love you Granny!


And you will forever be in my heart Mamaw.

Past Halloween...

One year for halloween, I went with my older brother to go to a haunted house. The haunted house that we went to had a story to it.... which made it all the more real and all the more scary. The story was that there was this old butcher that had a really good tasting meat that he sold to the people of the town. They absolutely loved it and raved over how good it tasted. Later years it was found out that the source of the meat... were the missing tourists. Apparently, for quite a while, the butcher was inviting tourists in and then killing them to sell their meat to the locals.
There was in fact a person in costume that was posing as the said butcher.... and in the process of purchasing my ticket he pointed at me.... which really freaked me out. He then started to taunt me, to which was provoking. When he saw that I was heading toward the entrance door he turned his back to me to go into the haunted house. I ran up behind him...... pushed him...... and then ran off. Reason I ran off? He turned on his chain saw and started to chase me around the parking lot. Not good.
Finally, went into the haunted house... which I never should have done after that...
I walked in and immediately on my left I could hear mumbling and the sound of a chain saw trying to be started...to no avail.  I walked down the hall next to me brother and the first room we came to was a room with a women with her arm cut off crying over her dead child. Pretty freaky... Then i started to go to the next room. Before i could get to the next room, my chain saw guy jumped out of the wall on the left and started the chainsaw.
The rest of the haunted house is kind of a blur. This is due to the fact that i started to scream.. and run. No not run... i SPRINTED through the whole haunted house. I do have to say i am sorry about the preson i punched in the face. I did warn him if he didnt get out of my face.... but the scarecrow just wouldnt listen.. sorry.
O and just to let you know... when we got in the car and started to drive away... Chainsaw guy... started to run after the car with the chainsaw going.... my brother laughing.. and me screaming... got to love a good haunted house. haha

Scary Movies...

One day when I was spending the night with a friend, we saw that a scary movie that we had been wanting to see came on at 11 at night. We waited up until then so that we could watch the movie. The name of the movie was called quarintine. The movie wasnt bad for a while, but I distinctly remember a part that both of us jumped. I, with my covers grabbed and pulled up to my nose, let loose a bloody curling scream that some how escaped from my lips. I then look over to see her with all muscels clinched... looking like she is about to punch the first thing that moves.

However... the movie that scared me when I was in about... second grade was the IT. It litterally had me afraid to do anything and everything. To this day.. I still dont exactly care for clowns.

To kill with a happiness

What a concept it would be to kill with kindness, yet it sometimes appears that people believe that they can kill with kindness. There is a lack of friendliness towards other human beings that often is quite depressing. Yet, on Sunday, while at work, I witnessed a random act of kindness. This lady.. she had no relation with this young man and still found it in her heart to reach out and give a kindness to a random human being. Because it was through drive thru... she did not meet, did not see, and did recieve a thank you from this young man. In fact only 3 people witnessed her act: myself, her, and the young man. She did not do this to accept some award, she did it just because she wanted to do something for someone else.

This lady came to my window (i work drive thru) and I told her her total. She then procceded to ask me what the car behind her owed at the window. I was very confused but I told her their total. She then said I want to pay for theirs and also mine. I thinking hey.. maybe she knows them.. thats fine by me. When the young man came up to my window, he had his hand out ready to pay. I told him that they lady in front of him paid for his meal and he was very surprised. Throughly happy none the less, yet surprised. Then looking at this man I realized that they didnt look like they even knew eachother. One appeared to be of really high class, while the other appeared to have been around the block a few times and probably have had a hard life. This random act of kindess hit me and I wish that more people exercised this. Heck I even admit that I could use with some practicing of it.

Saturday...

Saturday, the marching band (which I am in) we went to Ohio County for a competition. This, for all who do not know, is where many marching bands get together and perform. We are scored on our performance and placed for awards. We are a very small band, yet we have a large school. Therefore we have a few problems competing with the other bands in our class. We are a band of 69 and they are bands of 120. Really is not good for us.
However, we performed twice and I did great both times :).
In our performance I have a solo and both times I did great. I did not mess up even though I was really nervous. I am so proud of myself and I can't wait until this next weekend to get another shot at it!!!!!
:))))))

John Donne... love him!

Let not thy divining heart

Fore think me any ill

Destiny may take thy part

And may thy fears fulfill;

But think that we

Are by turned aside to sleep

They who one another keep

Alive ne’er parted be

But this, all pleasures fancies be;
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desired, and got,
'twas but a dream of thee.

Thy sins and hairs may no man equal call ;
For, as thy sins increase, thy hairs do fall.

These are three things that are written by my favorite poet John Donne.

In my eyes.... he is an absolute GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Necklaces

Necklaces are interesting pieces of jewlery...
They can be long... they can be short... you can sometimes lose them....they can be meaningful.
Sometimes it is a jambled mess... knots on top of knots.
The only way to work out those knots.... to slowly pick at it knot by knot.
If you pull too hard and too fast.. then it will break.
You slowly have to work through it.
Some knots are harder than others... it takes lots of time to get them worked out.
Sometimes you have to ask for help. Some knots are just too big for one person to handle.
But, if you keep working at it..... eventually, everything will be all right.

So how's your life?






(I hope you understand the true meaning here)

Bugs

Sometimes it is so hard to trust something. At first you put all of your faith into something, only for little insects to attack all your beliefs and eat away at it until its just about gone. Why is that when we are little, everything is so simple. Someone says "Hey this is real" and your reply is "Okay!" You belive in it whole heartedly without once second guessing that person. Then as you get older one little word or one little event can make you second guess EVERYTHING. You wonder what is true, what isn't true. You wonder who do I trust, who is unsafe to trust. Who should I follow, and who should I not follow? Who can I give my love and heart safely to, and who will break it?
I think this infestment of bugs come froms interaction with others. It typically all starts when we go to school. We start to gain a better understanding of things, we learn how to analyze things, and learn that people lie. The biggest factor... lies. We learn that people lie and that you cant always trust everything. Then we analyze to try to figure if there are truths or lies in the events or explanations set before us. We incorporate analysis into everything that we think about. So we start to doubt everything and trust... it becomes something that is hard to come by.

Lollipops :(

Do you ever have those days that you just feel.... there? You just go through the motions and don't really take in what all is going on around you. You feel unimportant... and unnoticed. You have people asking if you are okay, but you still feel alone.
All of this is because of one affecting event, or one out of the way comment given to you. Typically this is given to you by someone at home. Your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother; they have such amazing contol over what you mood is.
Sometimes you want something so bad that you just cant stand it. You put it in action and it all seems to be coming together just the way that you saw it, the way that you want it to be. Then someone says something.... and your picture just crumbles away. It is ripped from your hands like a lollipop from a small child. All you can think about is that lollipop, you want that lollipop and you will do anything possible to get it back. But that other person, they have different plans. You aren't getting it back, they are not going to let you have it, they aren't going to let you even see it. You know that eventually it will pass, and that lollipop won't be as appeasing. Yet at that moment, there isn't anything else in the world that can distract you from it.

So lesson learned, don't get attached to a lollipop.

Labor Day Weekend

This weekend I went to St. Louis to visit my grandparents. We had a bunch of fun and did a lot of stuff. We, my grandmother and I, made my sadie hawkins shirt. We, my grandmother, my mother, and I, made my Great Grandmother a quilt. We had a great time and it was nice to get away, for work was not possible from another state :)))
However, there was some sadness to the weekend. My father, whom has diabetes, had to go to the VA doctor. To this we found out that his liver level had increased. My father does not drink or do drugs... so the only reason that this could be happening, is the medication that is supposed to be helping his diabetes be controlled. This makes me very worried for my father. I love my father. He has done so much for me and I treasure him so much. I dont know what I would do without him.. and worry about anything that could possibly take him from me.

I love you dad...

blah blah

Have you ever had that relationship that you thought was just perfect. Felt that you were completely in love with them.. thought hey! this could possibly last past until next year even! Then things start to happen. You have a fallingout. You dont seem to feel the same for them anymore, so you break it off. You want to be friends and thats all, but we all know that 'just being friends' doesnt ever work. Then all is fine.. you feel like you can breath. Your no longer in that suffocating relationship and freedom is yours.

Then your parents butt in. They just absolutely LOVE that boy and they wished that you would get back together. They talked to him last night and he misses you. You should get back together. Give him another chance to give you that spark....

What they dont realize.... The match is soaked in water.

sweat....yum

When most people think of sweat they cringe, and think that sweating is a disgusting thing. However, sweat is something you get when you work hard, and working hard is something to be proud of.

Every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday there are a group of about 60 persons who go out on blacktop, march underneath the blazing sun, and sweat! Then on fridays they perform at football games, and sweat. Then on Saturdays they perform at competitions, and sweat. This group of people call themselves the Apollo Marching Eagles, and they SWEAT!

We march hard, we sweat a lot, we have fun, and we can't imagine life without marching band. Band is what we do and band is what we are. We are a family and we stick together... even when we are sweaty and irritable.

Call me Band Nerd... I say YES I AM!
:)

Precipitancy Creates Prodigality

Precipitancy Creates Prodigality.....Which means that haste makes waste....
I have a very good daily reminder of this.
As some know...and some dont... I work at Mcdonalds, and as all SHOULD know, Mcdonalds is almost always busy as a bee. Working at Mcdonalds hardly ever gives you time to breath. When I work front drive... (handing food and drinks out to people).... I occasionally get flustered and try to speed up everything that I am doing. The managers keep yelling to serve, wanting me to get the cars gone as fast as possible... and you try to speed up so they dont yell at you anymore.... SOo... when I try to speed up toooooo much... then nothing is good. There are numerous occasions that I have dropped FULL and LARGE drinks on the ground.... liquid alllllllll over the floor... which means they have to take one of the other crew to clean up the mess, which gives them one less worker for a while. Plus, i have to remake the drink.. which kills my times (times are the average amount of seconds that a car is in the drive thru). This thus makes my managers more irritated.. and me in a bad mood..... ugh...

Birthday sympathy

Every year we have a day that belongs to us. Every indivdual has an individual day. Its our special day. Its the day that we all look forward to for the whole year. Excited to hit that 16th birthday, that 18th birthday.... that 21st birthday. :)))) Then when the day finally comes... some of you say you want to stay home and sit in a corner. You say you cant bare the embarrassment of everyone acknowledging you all day long. Having the principal annouce over the school news that today is YOUR day. You cant stand to sit in band class and have your idiotic 'friends' (what betrayers they are) telling the director its your day today. Thus having the WHOLE band be led into the torturous song of happy birthday. We cringe on that day.... yet we dream for it to come for days on end; just to turn around later in life to beg the days to slow down and go away.... We should be happy that we have a day that is our day! Over seas (i believe in china) they all celebrate birthdays on the SAME day... no individuality..... take pride in your birthday... stand up, smile and scream it to all.

o by the way... happy birthday... to my friend in english class! : D

Compost Computer

While sitting in a class for english, I waited for my computer to load up. While I hear people typing away, I sit waiting for the browser window to pop up. When my teacher said 12 minutes to blog, my browser home page... still at a lost of where it was. Five minutes have passed. Im sitting waiting for blogger to go to the sign in page. No sign of life from my computer. I reconnect to internet; computer goes slower. 10 minutes later... FINALLY SIGNED IN! Now all I have left to do is to get to the make new post button... Ah, finally at new post! About to think of title for my new post on my blog. Let's see, I think I will name it... RRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!


times up.

No post for today.....

While others, have 5 or 6 post..... what a computer fail.

NYLF

This summer I went to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I went there for the National Youth Leadership Forum of Medicine. I had a blast, made new friends, and had the experience of a life time. While there, me and three other girls sort of formed a clique. We did almost everything possible together. Whenever there was a requirement to travel to our next lecture, we were always right there beside eachother. I truely made some good friends.
I learned more than I knew was possible. While there I got to witness a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. This is a removal of the gallbladder. However, instead of doing an open surgery, they instead make a small incision and insert a camera. They also blow up the stomach with carbon dioxide so as to increase the visibilty of the internal organs. It was an eye opening event! I also got to see a knee replacement, see cadaviers, study handson with cadaviers, speak with doctors, speak with medical students, and so much more. It was so much fun and I learned more than I ever thought possible.